


Until I get punched in the face.

by trebleDeath



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, but its mostly just tuckington, will add more tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 03:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3676416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trebleDeath/pseuds/trebleDeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An Au in which RvB is a local server on a video game</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eepings](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=eepings).



> IDK what the fuck im doing. I mean I'm damn good at writing despite typos. But this is mostly for Lucas. Who I don't think is reading this because I don't know what's going on. Y'all should tell me what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the anon who said i need to be happier about writing about a ship for my dear friend lucas, actually read my shit before you go off on me!

“So let me get this straight, you’re from the same guild as that Tex chick who came in here and beat me up?” Tucker’s sprite seemed to stare incredulously at the new comer.

Church hit him with the butt of his rifle, “Oh my god. It’s not a fucking guild. This is RvB, not some fucking wizards of Warlock bullshit. There aren’t fucking guilds. Only high security secret government conspiracies with trained soldiers who happen to have enhanced armour and ai’s.”

Caboose stepped forward, finally having figured out how to turn his sprite around, “Wait. Why do they get to be fancy and I just have a gun?”

Church sighed into his microphone, “Well I don’t think you should be trusted with a gun considering you always ‘accidentally’ hit space and kill me. And to answer your dumb ass question, they fucking paid for this game.”

“Didn’t we all pay for this game?” Tucker kept his cursor on the new guy, keeping him in his limited line of sight.

Church laughed, “Yeah. Paid. There’s this thing called pirating or just finding this shit game after a steam sale.”

“No. I like this game. I bought it.” Caboose spoke up.

“Okay, great. You also spend all your money on those commercials only old ladies watch.”

“Yeaaaaaahhh. It’s pretty fun. Well, I have to go walk Freckles.”

“The giant robot can walk himself idiot.”

“No. I mean Freckles. He’s my dog. Bye!”

Tucker turned to Church, “He names his killer robot after his dog?”

Church sighed again, “Yes. Let’s just be glad he’s gone.”

The new guy walked forward, “Hey.” he greeted awkwardly.

This time it was Tucker’s time to sigh. Not because this guy was a total awkward loser who was trying to be cool, because he was, but because there wasn’t a control to flip off anyone.

His sprite turned to the other once again, “Listen up. I don’t really think you should be here. Last time our guild members were here, things got fucked up.”

“Tucker! It’s not a fucking guild! It’s a government project!”

“As if there weren’t enough galactic war games where you don’t actually fight any monsters and it’s actually just a huge government plot. God, as if there weren’t enough secret government plots in games. Not to mention real life. Games are making people paranoid.”

Church scoffed again, “For someone who gave birth to an alien, you sure really want to fight aliens.”

“Junior was stupid. I had to give it a name and it depleted Caboose’s health and it didn’t even give me a boost!”

“Big fucking deal. What do you think we should do about Mr. yellow accents over here?” Church turned to the new guy, who was still standing quietly, his sprite bouncing in the standard at guard position.

“I don’t want a guild dude here.”

Church shot him, “You’re worse than Caboose. He’s not a fucking guild member you nerd trash!”

“Fuck!” His sprite jumped back, “Dude. My health.”

“I don’t give a fuck. You can’t call this douche bag a guild member.”

“Well it’s easier than saying some specialized agent with enhanced armour as a direct result of a freelancer project endorsed by a secret government plot.” he sighed again, “So he paid extra for this kind of shit right?”

“Yeah.”

“So he’s a rich boy.”

“Why do you have to assume he’s a dude? There are plenty of chicks in this game.”

“Yeah, like that dude’s sister who took over our team, made sex jokes then never played again? Or like your crazy girl friend who is also part of this guild.”

“Exactly. Now, I’m going to sign off because I'm tired of hearing the word guild.”

“Wait. I’m just saying that this dude hasn’t responded, so he’s probably AFK, plus, if he’s rich and got specialized shit, he probably doesn’t have any skill. Just money. What I’m saying is we could kill him then take his armour.”

Church paused, “How would that work? There are two of us and one body of armour.”

“Yeah,” a pause ensued, “I think I should get his armour considering I was the one who thought of the idea. You can have the loot he has.”

“That’s fucking stupid.”

“No. Fucking stupid would be Caboose finally accepting my proposal. Bow chicka bow wow.”

His sprite seemed to stare, as if in disbelief. “I’m signing off.” With that, Church left. 

Tucker shrugged real time and turned to the new guy. “Well. Time to take your government shit and become the ruler of this shitty box canyon.”

His sprite turned, “What did you just say? Sorry, my taquitos are done.”

Tucker stared at the computer screen in his dark room. “I thought you were in a guild. Don’t you think you should act more professional. Plus, it’s like, four. Why are you eating Taquitos?”

“Meh. I’m not on a mission, so I can do whatever the Hell I want. Plus, it might be later for me. How the Hell do you know what time it is where I am?”

“Because this is a local server. Only people in our general area are allowed on without us enabling something. But we don’t want to deal with thirteen year olds.”

“There could be thirteen year olds in your area. And how do you know I haven’t hacked your system?”

“Because you haven’t jack ass. Oh, and since you’re probably in the same area as us, do not talk to us outside of this game, and you should invest in getting a voice modifier.”

“Cool.” It was obvious he was ignoring him. Well, I’m Agent Washington. Tell me about this level.”

Tucker stared at the screen in disbelief again. It wasn’t that he didn't have any clever comebacks. He did, but this guy was just so oblivious and slow.

“This is a local server. One location. Sometimes we move to another one and it changes, but that requires cooperation of everyone so it usually results in someone being lost. It’s just one place. Not a level.”

“Cool. What do you do here?”

“Nothing. It’s a box canyon divided into two colours where we sit and argue and sometimes throw grenades. That’s it.”

“Lame. And it’s just local. Freelancer had multiple levels and platforms, not to mention several people from around the country. Even some guy from England. He was pretty cool.”

“Lavernius!” His mother called from downstairs. 

He took off his headset, “What!” No doubt Washington-if that WAS his real name- heard him despite the microphone being away from his mouth.

“Come down here when I am talking to you!” A typical response.

He sighed once more before putting on his headset again, “I have to go, my mom wants me to do something. Why don’t you go make friends with the red. There really is not red or blue here, so they’ll welcome you fine.”

He signed off. Sure he would be back soon enough, but signing off was better than being killed by Washington. And Pause sure wasn’t an option.

He trudged downstairs where his mother was waiting in the game.

“A nice family moved in next door, and I thought it would be nice to give them a little welcoming gift,”

“Bow chicka bow wow,” he muttered under his breath, hoping his mother didn’t notice.

Despite his need to point out everything that could be taken the wrong way, his mother was the opposite and would probably smack him for that alone. Much less some of the things he did online.

“I need you to take that plate over to the Montgomery’s old house. Maybe stay and talk. It’d be nice for you to get a real friend off the internet.”

“Mom. I told you, all my quote unquote friends are in the area, so they are real.”

“I never said they weren’t real, just that they were online friends. Now get the plate, don’t eat anything off of it, and march you little butt down the street.”

Lavernius sighed before picking up the plate and leaving the house, knowing that if he stayed after she told him to go twice, he would be in trouble. 

That was just the kind of person his mom was, straight laced. Probably laced a little too tight at that.

He sighed once more as he got to the Montgomery’s old house. It was way too close to him, and considering his mother was going to force him to be acquainted, he’d soon have some white neighbors on his case all the time.

He knocked, a groan and heavy footsteps being his only response. 

After what seemed like eternity a blonde boy opened the door, a taquito sticking out of his mouth like a cigar. “Yes, I have accepted Jesus as my lord and savior,” He spoke sarcastically as he wrenched open the door, not even bothering to glance at Tucker before he spoke.

“Great. Now I don’t have to give you these cookies, I can just keep them all to myself, because these were obviously my conversion cookies.” The taller one responded almost immediately.

“Nah. I still need those cookies.” He reached over and took the plate out of his hands.

Tucker rolled his eyes, “Prick.”

“Don’t you know not to call your elders prick?”

He looked him up and down, “Elders? Your like, thirteen shut up.”

The guy laughed, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to call me prick. You could at least call me David.”

“All right David the prick it is.” Tucker turned to leave.

“Wow, I tell you my personal information like my first name and you just walk off?”

He turned on his heel and balanced on the edge of the cement step, “Lavernius.”

The blonde, David, nodded his head. “Cool. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,”

Tucker snorted, “And what makes you think I’m going to go to middle school?”

“Because I’ll be going to high school. Probably the same one as you considering there’s only one in this area.”

“But aren’t you my elder?”

“Yes,” He picked up a cookie and bit it, the taquito still hanging from his mouth.

“Gross. Old men at school.” Tucker turned to leave again, this time actually stepping off the porch, “Oh. I forgot, my Mom says welcome to the neighborhood, if you need anything, we’re the house with the catering van in the driveway.” He nodded over his shoulder before walking off.

At least this David guy was pretty okay. Not good, just okay. Snarky, but okay. They probably wouldn’t get along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if this is good. it could be shit. lucas, tell me what to doooooo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowoooo, I love the rvb fandom and I love every single thing having to do with it because I am a die hard fan and love writing fanfiction about a ship I know very little about.
> 
> I wrote this on my iPad in the car, so once again, I apologize for spelling o grammar errors, I also have no idea how long it is, so sorry if it's short.

Lavernius sat down at the regular lunch table, same as everyday, except one thing. Within minutes of him sitting down, David took up the usually empty spot next to him.

Leonard raised his eyebrow, "Who's your friend?"

The blonde nodded in Leo's direction, "I'm David."

Tho other nodded back, "Leonard. So how'd you become fast friends with Mr. Innuendo over here?"

Tucker spoke up, "He's not my friend. He moved in down the street and my mom made me be overly courteous to him,"

"And fine job you are doing at that too," the sarcasm dripped off his words as he took out a brown bag from his back pack.

Tucker rolled his eyes, "Whatever. He's still not my friend,"

Leo shrugged, "Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day,"

"You know, I've always hated that expression," David spoke up again, "Sure Rome wasn't built in a day, but they had learned engineers and extensive research and plans that scholars who studied for years followed to the letter,"

Leo stared a moment, as if he had to think about how to swallow the morsel of food in his mouth before responding, "So, you're telling me that a giant empire that undoubtedly expanded constantly, this fact being reinforced by impeccable records, was all planned out? That every dirt road made by merchants, every little hut put up by farmers, way in the country side that just happened to be owned by an empire, was planned out by people with doctorate degrees?"

"No, I'm saying everything big in Rome was planned out, and the rest followed suit. I understand how cities work, it becomes a junction and expands rapidly. However, travel was harder way back in the day so it didn't boom as quickly, as say, New York City did. But every large construction project was planned by engineers, and the much needed roads were optimally mapped, hence the lattice formation we still use today, considering it was fucking genius. And you're right about the meticulous record keeping,  they kept track of the indefinite expansion, but that also means they kept track of immigrants and dirt roads forged by farmers way out in the country side,"

Leo huffed, but before he could say anything, Lavernius jumped in, "Hey dick heads. Guess what, it's a fucking metaphor, a saying, nothing important. We don't need to get into a large debate over something this useless!"

David shrugged, "I only expressed my dislike for a phrase, and  he jumped on me."

"You made it sound like your opinion on a common phrase was fact, you tried to downplay my using it with your froofy shit."

David sighed, "I'm sorry that your ego is so fragile that you can't handle my educated opinion."

"Hey Leo, I saw your Facebook post, you got a girlfriend?" Lavernius jumped in again.

He tore his stare away from the new comer and redirected it at Lavernius, "Yeah, her name's Allison, and so far it's more like an Internet kinda thing, but you know, she goes to this school."

"She goes here? How in hell did you find that out?"

"Oh you know, checked out her Facebook once she added me as her friend."

"God, that's so stalker like."

"What, no. It's not. Shut up, if it's online it's okay."

"I think that Lavernius is right, stalking someone's Facebook doesn't make it any less real." 

"Oh shut up Dave." Leo flipped him off.

"Kay, so an Allison that goes here. What's her last name?" Tucker averted the arguing again.

"Soutex,"

"Interesting last name. Are you sure she's not made up?" 

Again, Leo flipped David off.

"She's real. She's the really athletic one who wears flannel and has shop for half her classes, right?" Lavernius was basically ignoring all their rude gestures at this point.

"That's the one," he spoke with a smug grin.

"Wow, she's manlier than you," David chucked a grape at him.

"At least I have a girlfriend," in return, Leo threw a fry.

"Yeah, I don't really want a girlfriend, so I guess all you have on me is the fact that the girl your stalking over the Internet is manly."

"Yeah, and she'll kick your gay ass."

"Never said I was gay, just said I don't want a girlfriend, or any kind of date mate. I want like, a giant fighting robot."

"Dude, I'll just take anything," Lavernius spoke as he reached over the table and stole a fry from Leonard.

"We know. You're known as the guy who'll fuck any sentient thing,"

"Not any sentient thing. Then I might end up carrying a robo baby."

"Hey, why's that guy signing?" David spoke up, apparently, having spaced out during the conversation about fucking.

Tucker looked over to where David was pointing. A kid with long blond hair pulled back by hair clips, just eating lunch. Granted he would pause every once and a while and fiddle with his hands, or rather signing.

Leo shrugged, "That's Michael, he's special needs."

"Oh, what for?"

"Autism I think. Do you know sign? What's he signing?"

"One of my friends lost his ability to speak in an accident, so he and I learned sign together. He's just signing action verbs. Eating, it looks like. But when that guy was talking to him, he signed talking. He's not talking though, unless he's talking...."

"Huh. Makes sense." Tucker stole another fry.

"No it doesn't. If he doesn't speak, why doesn't he sign useful stuff?"

"No, he talks. He just signs what he's doing. I have a class with him, and if he can't sign it, he just says it."

David nodded, "Cool." he turned back to his lunch.

Leo and Lavnius shrugged. This guy didn't stay on one topic for long.

 

By the time Lavernius actually signed into blood gulch, the yellow accented dude was already there. 

"Ey Wash, what up?" the chan sprite moved towards him.

"Absolutely nothing. There's nobody here to deal out missions. I called command, but that is like the lowest NPC I've seen.  All he said was do better, attack the reds. So I went to the red base and some old guy blew me up. The worst part is, I think that old dude is my chemistry teacher."

He snorted, "Yeah. Sarge. The old chemistry shop teacher who pretends not to know technology despite being the auto shop teacher. "

"Why does he even play this game?"

"Same reason most of us do. There's nothing to do, but pretend were not in the real world. There aren't any consequences, and the outside world and relationships don't matter."

"Relationships don't matter?"

"Yeah. It's just nice to get away. So I would focus more on the so called missions rather than making friends in the server."

"True. Not really going to make friends IRL, so I guess whatever. So even going to try here."

"Yeah." he paused, "That sounds really depressing."

"You can't see this, but shrugging, because I don't care."

"Okay," a silence took place, "I heard next week they're making a mod where you can flip someone off."

"Cool."

Another pause, "So.... Church is busy with Allison, so I guess it's you and me and Caboose. Where ever he is."

"He shot me yesterday when he cam back. I'm good with it just being you and me,"

For some reason, that made Laverenius really happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hurt ,y hip like the old lady that I am. I also edited the chapter. Expect another one tomorrow maybe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for errors, still on tablet, still in the middle of nowhere with blisterson my feet and my aching old lady hip.
> 
> I like this chapter. Ease ask me about my weird au.

"Hey, Wash, did you know there's a sale tonight?"

Agent Washington turned around to stare at the cyan-ish seafoam colored guy. "I don't really care, I don't go shopping."

"Nah, you might care about this sale. It's at my place, everything one hundred percent off. Bow chicka bow wow."

Wash stared a moment, "Are you trying to seduce me?"

"No!" he answered way too quickly.

"It seems like you're trying to seduce me."

"No! I'm not! I just learned a new pickup line okay?"

He paused again, "Kay, well. If you were trying to seduce me, what does that look like?"

Tucker paused this time.

"Is it pick up-" 

"I'm leaving!" his sprite disappeared  as he signed out.

Wash looked at where he was previously standing, just thinking, "I think he was trying to seduce me."

He turned away from the ow empty space and walked into the blue base, sure that Church was there and would now.

"Hey, Church. How does Tucker flirt?"

He turned around, "What, why would I know that?"

"First, you know him so you've seen him flirt, and who knows, maybe he's flirted with you."

Church paused. God, why was there so much pausing whenever fitting came up. Maybe it was a no homo kind of thing.

"He flirted with me in fifth grade, I just told him I'm not interested. He got awkward and backed off. Never flirted with me again, and I don't flirt with him."

"I don't care if you don't flirt or if he doesn't flirt with you. You MUST know how he flirts. Haven't you seen him flirt before, it seems like he would do it all the time."

"He makes sex jokes all the time, but he doesn't flirt a whole lot. Last time he flirted with any one, it was my sister Carolina. She punched him in the face, and he was really awkward for like a week."

"Great. What was it like though?"

"Funny. He totally thought his nose was broken."

"No, how did he flirt?!" he was kind of getting impatient.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Well, he came up to me and-"

"He's flirting with you." 

"What the fuck? I didn't even finish my sentence, how do you know he's flirting with me?"

"He's been talking about it all week. He's really an idiot when it comes to love. Sex, he might be fine, but romancing? Nah, he doesn't stop talking about how to romance people."

Washington was silent for a moment, "He was talking about me?"

"Yes."

He paused again, "Well, how do I tell him nicely that I'm totally not interested?"

"I don't know man. He gets really awkward when he gets turned down. Like really. And I don't know how to change that, especially considering the only people who have turned him down are socially inept people."

"Hmmm. Well, I guess your advice is shitty. Who is not socially inept and could help me not make him awkward."

"Tucker. He's the only one on this side who can read people,a nd pretty damn well if it's not about him."

Wash groaned, "Any one else?"

"Flowers maybe, but he's not online ever. Uhhh, Doc, but he's also not online a lot, Donut I'd say."

"Donut? No way that's his real name."

"It is. He's the pink one."

"Ugh. On the red team? They keep trying to blow me up, I can't get advice from those asstowns."

"Caboose can walk you over, he's pretty tight with pinky. So as long as you avoid sarge, you should live to see another day and bask in this shitty artificial game play sun."

"Poetic. Truly poetic, why don't you have all the babes?"

"I do. I have a girlfriend."

"Whatever. I'm not really comfortable walking over there with caboose, he shot me once."

"Probably didn't mean to. And if he did, then just consider it a ritual kind of thing, right of passage if you would. Now, get going."

"Fine," He groaned again before walking out of the base, assuming Caboose was up top.

However, halfway up the ramp, the pink one ran into it, "No need to come and find my Wash, I heard it all."

He stared blankly for a minute, "Eavesdropping much?"

"Not tooooo much. Just Caboose went off line for a bit and I was bored, so I listened in. To answer your question, yeah I can help you with relationship advice, but not online. The whole point is to avoid relationships here. Plus, I can't give you serious advice over some game. Come on, I have some class."

"Okay," he stated simply, not really sure how to respond. "Um, how should I talk to you then?"

"Oh right. If you go to room 308 tomorrow morning or after school, I should be there. We can talk all about your little romance life then."

"Little?"

"Yes. Little. Almost every romance is little compared to what I have."

he paused again, "And... What do you have?"

"I have two boyfriends."

"..... Do they know about each other?"

"God, just because I have a sense of style and have two boy friends does not mean I'm gay! I am. But come on, be a little less quick to jump the gun."

Washington stared, "Um. I didn't ask about your orientation... I asked if your boyfriends knew about each other..."

"Oh sorry. I just get asked a lot if I'm gay. Like,it's really stupid. But yeah, both of them know about the other. It's really fun."

"Okay. Great. I'm  glad you have love in your life. Well, I'm looking forward to advice. See you later?" he was honestly just going to leave. The game was fine most days, but today was sort of an off day. Besides, it wasn't ally fun without Tucker.

The next day, David walked into the small class room, where about four people were located. Michael off to the side signing something, a man with an intricate braid, who might also be the guidance counselor, a blond boy with gelled hair with his head in the lap of another boy with glasses.

"Uh, hi." he raised his hand in awkward greeting as he dropped his bag by the door.

The blue eyed boy beamed as he caught sight of him in the corner of his eye, "David! Hi." he sat up.

Well, he was in the right place.he took that as a good sign and sat down in one of the empty chairs. "Hi. Sorry, I'm still pretty new here, who are you?"

The boy who spoke giggled, "I'm Frank, and this is Frank as well, thats Mikey, and this is Mr. Flowers."

The dark man smiled, "My name matches my braid, pretty neat huh?" 

In his defense, they did match.

"I'm David. But I guess you already knew that. So. I came here for advice."

"Ah yes, relationship advice, my favorite,"

"It's not really relationship advice, I need to avoid getting into one and not hurt someone's feelings in the process."..

The boy with glasses groaned, though he was smiling. Everyone in the room seemed to be smiling, "Please don't give him any more gossip fuel."

The first Frank pouted, "I don't gossip THAT much," 

"Oh really, and stop pouting,"

"Or what?"

"Or I'll have to kiss your perfectly pouty lips,"

"Oh no, what shall I ever do if that were to happen,"

"You better figure that out quick," with that, he leaned forward and kissed the others turned face.

David cleared his throat loudly, drawing the attentions back to him.

"Oh, sorry." Second frank blushed, making his tan skin slightly darker, "I forget that PDA makes certain people uncomfortable, especially since we're kinda really gay,"

The teacher made a snorting nose, "Kind of really gay."

The blonde Frank stuck his tongue out, only evoking another half laugh.

"But Doc's right, sorry for the PDA, let's Get back on the subject of you and Lavernius. so he used a pick up line over the Internet. There are a couple things we can get from that. What was your reaction?"

"Uh, I asked him if he was seducing me. he got really defensive then signed off,"

"Mostly because he was trying to seduce you."

Mikey walked over to the first Frank and sat on the floor in front of him, "Bagel, can you braid my hair, it's getting in my eyes again," All the while signing things.

He laughed before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his temple, "Course sweety."

"Kay, I know we're off topic again, but Mikey, how do you sign and talk at the same time? That must be super hard."

He shrugged, "People think I'm stupid, and I guess I am because I have to say what I'm thinking. So I just say what I'm thinking with my hands, it is not hard."

Mr. Flowers' smile disappeared. "Sweetie, you are not stupid. Mean people say that because they don't have a large vocabulary and just want to insult you. You just think differently, and your strengths are in differ areas. And like David said, it's really hard to sign and speak at the same time, especially if they're two different things being said."

"Yes Mr. Flowers." The answer sounded automatic, as if they went through this several times a day.

"Okay, so how do I get Lavernius to know I'm not interested without making him awkward?"

"Well, he started seducing you, as you put it, online, more importantly over Red vs Blue,"

"Blue vs Red, It sounds dumb when you say it backwards," Mike popped back into the conversation.

"Right. Blue vs Red. Point being, the number one rule is to ignore all others relationships don't exist basically. So his crush on you shouldn't have been there, but it might have been so prominent in his mind it was there anyway. And Church said he was talking about you. So he really likes you.

The second thing is that what happens during game play doesn't affect your personal life. So his asking you out there means he didn't want it mentioned outside of it.

I'd say he's infatuated without but hates confrontation about feelings. Which is reasonable considering Carolina. A honestly, theres no way of stopping the awkwardness."

He moaned and stumped in his chair, "But I'm not good enough friends with him to just tell him then get over it. I've known him for like, two weeks,"

Frank shrugged, "Ride it out. Don't return the feelings, but don't call him out. I have no other advice."

"Lame. I came here for advice, not for retreat instructions,"

"It's not retreating, it's advancing to future victory."

A chubby kid stepped into the room, his dark brown hair gathered in a small pony tail at the nape of his neck, "Hey, I'm going to chill out here for a bit. It's the only place Sarge won't go, too hippy for him."

"Just because we like nature and preserving it doesn't mean we're hippies. And even if we were, we don't do drugs, which means your not allowed to smoke in here." Flows spoke as he walked into the room and sat on the table next to David.

"I don't smoke anymore," he answered, though his voice was still mostly monotone, and pretty unconvincing.

Mike signed something that caught David's eyes, 'Dexter won't stop smoking, but he's not cool. He doesn't want Flowers to tell his dad.'

"I agree with Mike."

The blonde Frank made a questioning noise, "What did he say."

"That Dexteer isn't cool and won't tell the truth about smoking because Flowers will tell his dad."

"Your right I'm going to tell your dad!" he took out his phone, "I promised not to tell if you quit, but Mike says you didn't, and you know he wouldn't lie."

"Lies are mean, and I don't understand why you would make something up when it's not true," he chirped, as if Dex needed the clarifications.

Dex groaned, "Flowers. Please don't. Sarge will have my ass."

"Right, especially since I know you aren't buying them."

Dexter grabbed his bag, acting nonchalant still, though it was obvious he was worried, "Well, then I'll leave. There's no need for me to stick around for Franklin's thrilling anti smoking speech and for Sarge to drag me out to the jeep by my ear. I'm going to get ahead start."

He walked to the door tighten paused, "And new kid, thanks for translating Mikey and getting me in trouble, I'll make sure to have your ass, and your boy friends ass too."

He left.

Frank ran a hand through his wavy hair, "Dex isn't going to beat you up. He's just going to get pouty. Though I wish he did stay for our anti smoking speech, it's pretty emotional."

"I like how you focus more on my potential anxiety over some loser beating me up than the fact he said I had a boyfriend."

"Hey. You have no right to call him a loser. We're all losers. And we're all friends in certain ways, and we need to stick up for each other. Even if we throw around useless threats and insults, we don't actually mean it, because we can't afford to lose each other." Franklin finished off the messy French braid and tied it off.

"I don't like David's boyfriend," Mike spoke as he tugged at some of the bangs that managed to eluded the braid, barely hanging above his grey eyes, "Eclair, do you think I need bobby pins?"

"Probably."

"I don't have a boyfriend," Dave commented again.

"Oh we know," Frank and Flowers nodded in agreement.

"I don't know," the other volunteered

"Point is a lot of people think you two arer dating. It's obvious why once you see how tucker looks at you, and the way you look back. Which is why I think it's shocking you want to turn down his affection."

"What do you mean the way I look back."

"Oh you know, just how you look at him with a longing, sometimes with a fiery passion in your hazel eyes."

He groaned again. "Well, spread the rumor we aren't dating."

He got up to leave, stooping by the door to grab his bag.

"Not yet any way," Someone behind him mentioned.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucas' birthday is soon. And I can't make him cookies because he's going to be out of town. so I dedicate this chapter to him, even though this series is already dedicated to him because he ships this.

Washington scanned the surrounding area from atop the blue base. It was quiet. Almost, too quiet.

Wait, that was fucking lame.

It was just quiet. 

“Hey, Ass munch!”

Washington turned around to the voice. Church was standing there, “Sup cock bite? Where’s everyone?”

“That’s what I came to talk to you about. Everyone’s gone.”

“Great. I don’t know why, do you?”

“Well I know that Caboose and Donut have football practice or some anti nerdy shit. Track? I don’t know, sports thing, aka boring. I know that Grif got grounded so that means he and Simmons won’t be on, it also means Sarge won’t be on considering he has no team and he might be babysitting teenagers. And like usual, Doc and Flowers aren’t really ever on.”

“Kay. great. So it’s just me and you.” Ew.

“Yeah. Which is stupid because you’re trying to take my platoon. What’s even stupider is you. I never said anything about Tucker or why he’s gone, and you don’t want to know why he’s gone?”

“I figured he had to help his mom or something. I don’t really know.”

“Or care?” He added on for him.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Nothing. But I’m pretty sure that he’s not here because you offended him with your sexuality.”

“What the fuck does THAT mean?”

“It means that you probably told him you were only interested in girls and made him uncomfortable because his crush on you and now he’s avoiding us.”

“Didn’t you do the exact same thing in fifth grade?”

“That’s not the point.”

He stared a moment, “You know what Church? Everytime I talk to you, I regret it. You’re stupid as fuck.”

The other scoffed, “This game is stupid without Tucker, so you have to patch things up.”

“I didn’t say anything to him though.”

“Well someone did, and it’s still up to you to fix it.”

“I didn’t say anything though! I blame the Franks.”

“The Franks?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure they’re dating.”

“Frank’s as in plural? The only Frank I know is Delano, and he has too many romantic interests to date himself.”

“That’s the first Frank. But what about the one with the black hair down to his shoulders, with the glasses?”

Church paused, “Wait. Doc?”

“Uh. Frank?”

“Doc.”

“Fine. Doc and Delano have been, wait a minute. Doc and Delano is so much better sounding than the two Franks.”

“Yeah, we know. Why the fuck do you think we call them that.”

“But they introduced themselves as that.”

“Yeah, they hate those nicknames. Too bad for them.”

“they should just accept it.”

“Like you should accept defeat and patch things up with our fine vocalist friend, Tucker.”

“No. Like I was saying before you interrupted me,”

“You interrupted yourself.”

“Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentance ruin the beginning of yours!”

“Yes it did. Now hurry up, what were you saying about our Alliterating Gays and your boy issues.”

“Kay. First of all, my boy issues are not my boy issues. I think Frank Delano gossiped about it.”

“Dude, that’s bad. How much did you tell him, and why would you ever tell him anything?”

“You told me to!”

“I said him or Doc.”

“Noooo. You specifically said Donut. And even if I did just talk to Doc, he would have told Delano and then he would have gossiped anyway.”

“Gossiped about what?” A new voice entered the chat.

The two whipped around to see Tucker. 

“Hey, where were you?” Naturally, Church was the first to speak.

“I was helping my mom. She had a catering thing and needed help with setting up.”

Washington shoved Church, “Told you, ass prick.”

He shoved back, “It’s still on your shoulder to fix this,”

Washington shoved harder, causing him to fall off the top of the base, “Fix what shit stain?”

“Wait, what was Donut gossiping about this time? I’m totally lost.”

“Nothing, you don’t need to worry about it.”

A bullet hit the ground about a foot away from where Washington was standing.

He jumped, “Son of a fuck! You cunt!”

“Hey, that was a warning shot for pushing me off!” CHurch yelled from below the base, a rifle in hand.

“It wasn’t a warning shot, you just fucking suck!” Tucker walked over to the edge and threw a flash bang down. Except it didn’t go down. 

“Mother of fuck!”

Church laughed at the two who were affected. 

“David! What did you just say?” Shit. His mom was home.

“Well fickle frackle, my mom’s home early.” His words fell on the deaf ears of Tucker, who was still probably being affected by his grenade.

David took his headset off and logged out. Not like the blank screen and ringing from the earphones was helping him.

 

David walked into the very same classroom that head had a couple days earlier and sat down at the same chair.

It was pretty much the same scene, except Flowers’ braid style was different, a lanky red head was sulking in the chair next to him with his backpack near by and Delano was braiding the chubby kid’s hair in a spiral.

“What the fuck is this room even?”

“First of all, Language,” The supervising teacher took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “Second of all, this is the organic gardening club. Except we don’t have any funds, so we just hang out here and end up braiding each other's hair.”

“Just for the record, I don’t want to hang out here, I don’t like hair braiding.” The redhead spoke up, “I’m only here because Dex dragged me along.”

“And I’m only here because I’m avoiding Sarge,”

“You wouldn’t need to avoid him if you hadn’t even stolen cigarettes! Like, what the fuck?”

Flowers grumbled something, probably about language. 

“Because here’s the thing Dick,”

“Rick,” He corrected,

Dexter only rolled his impossibly dark brown eyes in response, “I can’t buy cigs, I’m not legal age yet.”

“Exactly! You’re not legal, so why smoke? Why smoke even if you were legal! Honestly, you’re such an idiot,”

“I smoke because I want to, and I don’t even smoke anymore.”

“Boo hoo, you’ve been clean for two days.”

“It’s not drugs, so I can’t be clean.”

“Whatever. I still can’t believe you would even smoke. It’s terrible for you and doesn’t make you look any cooler.”

“Yeah, I don’t care about that, and I’m not going to get all heartfelt and earnest and spill why I took up smoking.”

“You know Dex, talking about substance abuse can really help your mental health.” Frank finished the spiral braid with a small ponytail poking straight up at the middle of his forehead. 

“Shut up. I don’t need to hear your hippie bullshit about drugs.”

“You sounds like Sarge,” Flowers noted.

He flipped him off.

“Well someone’s pissy,”

“And stressed.”

“Why?”

“Take a gander, old man.”

Doc straightened his glasses, “Don’t mind if I do. I initially guess withdrawal, but even more than that. I suppose you were already extremely stressed about something and smoking was your outlet, probably because you didn’t use a form of art or physical activity to healthily get rid of your feelings. But now, not only are you resisting the urge to get a cigarette, but your previously subdued pressures are coming back.”

Dexter stared at him for a moment before speaking, “The most surprising thing is that you responded to old man rather than Flowers.”  
Mike laughed, “He’s not that old. But he acts like he’s old.”

Doc just shrugged, ‘I’ll take that as a compliment that proves I’m more mature than all of you.”

“Especially Frank here, who’s gossiping tendencies that messed up parts of my life.” David finally spoke up, earning most of the gazes in the room.

“What did he do this time?” No one was really questioning whether it was Donut’s fault, rather what the effects were.

“Well I think Tucker knows that I’m not really interested in him, because a certain gossiping Glinda in the room, and according to Church, that makes him really awkward around his crush for a while. So I’m making him awkward, therefore avoiding most of his friends because I planted myself smack dab in the middle of that shit.”

“But I didn’t say anything! I keep romance affairs private!” 

“Well someone told him.”

Lavernius walked into the room. “Dude, nobody told me shit. And I really didn’t know until you were just talking about me behind my back, just barely.”

A heavy silence settled around them all. Except, of course, Mikey, “Hi Lavernius! Funny, we were just talking about you!”

“Yeah. Thanks Mikey.”

“You’re welcome!”

Again, David spoke up, “If you didn’t know that I was going to reject you, tehn why were you etting all weird around me?”

“I was’t getting weird. Leo just likes to say I get awkward, I was distancing myself because I don’t want to fall for you. You said you’re asexual, and I figured you didn’t want me hitting on you.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.” Of course, Delano would find that romantic.

“Dude, asexual doesn’t meant the same thing as aromantic. I can still have romantic attraction.”

“Oh” A smirk grew on his face, “Well in that case, I’m going to flirt with you until you become mine or punch me in the face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i mostly only write this when I'm high.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so long. no motication. my sisters a bitch. left room for more chapters. bleg.

Lavernius stared at David intensely. 

The blonde only took another bite of his sandwich before leaning to the left. 

Of course, the shorter’s deep brown eyes followed. He leaned to the right, same thing. 

“Okay, Lavernius. What’s the deal. You’re watching me like a grandmother watches kids eat her pie, making sure they smile and eat like, half a pie each.”

“First of all. white people have fucked up grandmas, what kind of grandma expects any child to eat half a pie?”

Dexter leaned over, “Mine.”

Lavernius shoved his arm, “Dude, that’s because you do it on a regular basis.”

“Even if that were true. She expects it. She expects Kai to do it too, and have you seen how skinny that girl is?”

“Well I’m still sure she can eat half a pie. For fuck’s sake she can eat dick like none other.”

Dexter frowned, “Dude. She’s like, fifteen. And I know for a fact that she would never go near you and you’re creepy innuendos.”

“”Ha! If you think my regular innuendos are regular, then you should hear when your sister and Delano get into the same room. It’s like live action sexting except both of them are really oblivious.”

The blond shook his head, “That’s not the point.”

“Yeah! The point is white grandmas are crazy and secretly hate children and are trying to kill them with morbid obesity, but the catch is they only have thanksgiving weekend to do that. That’s why they supposedly make you eat an entire pie by yourself. And not like an 8 inch pie, like one of those giant pies you can get at corner bakeries.”

“Ye- no! Stop pulling weird ass ideas out of your ass Lavernius!”

“Kay fine, I lied, apparently it’s only half a pie. But Dex gets a full pie because his grandmother hates him especially.”

Dexter punched him again, “Shut up.”

“Oh my god, all of you are idiots. That’s not the point.” he rested his head on the table “Why do I even bother?”

Delano reached over the table and started putting small pony tails in his blond hair. He thought it was too short for that, but the other didn’t. “You try because it’s just something you do. It’s what everyone does. Even when it’s hard. Actually, I think you do it especially when it’s hard,”

Lavernius snickered under his breath. 

The blonde with gelled hair looked at him, “What’s so funny? Is it his ponytails, because I think they’re fun and cute.”

He shook his head, his dreads flaring out as he did so, “No. It’s cute. Well, everything is cute on Dave, only because he’s cute,”

David was sure he wink in his direction, but his head was still firmly planted on the sort of grimy lunch table. 

Delano pat his head, “Then what’s so funny?”

“Just what you said,” God, he could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“What! I think humans try when life gets hard. Because if life was always easy no one would try. So Davey here was trying because it’s hard.”

He lifted his head up at that, “Kay, first, never ever call me Davey again.”

Of course, Lavernius had to put in his two cents, “I like Davey. It’s endearing, though not nearly as endearing as you.”

He looked at him, a dead expression on his face, “All you’re pick up lines sound the same.”

That didn’t dampen his smile, “I know. It’s just that I can’t think when I look at you. It’s like looking at the sun, just dazzling.”

“Cute,” He gave a pity smile, “But I said first. That means I have at least a second, possibly a third or even more.” He paused, waiting for an interjection. None came. “Second, Delano. PLEASE stop saying hard. You’re going to slip up and Lavernius is going to make a dick joke and we’ll all hate you.”

He feigned flipping his hair with a scoff, “Hate me? How could anyone hate me?”

“Well…” Dexter started.

Delano gave a glare. Or tried to. It was kind of useless, “Excuuuuuse me mister. Did I ask for you to spout off and insult me?”

“Well you kind of did,” of course Rick took his side. 

Delano puffed up his cheeks in what appeared to be an attempt at looking manly, “It was rhetorical!”

“THIRDLY!” Dave interrupted loudly, regaining his lost ground, “Y’all are missing the point!”

The lunch table quieted down. “Wait. Did I just say y’all?”

“Yes. Welcome to Iowa.”

He frowned at Lavernius, “Shut up. You all,” He made a point to differentiate them, “Are still missing the point. And it’s been like, fifteen minutes since I actually started this god damn conversation.”

Rick shrugged, “You can’t reign a conversation that’s being held between like, eight teenage boys.”

“Technically it’s seven since Leo’s eating with his so called girlfriend. And even more technical, it’s like, five because doc and Mike are sitting quietly to the side and only you idiots are talking.”

Doc looked over, “Oh sorry. Was I supposed to be in the conversation? I just don’t really see a point in jumping in. You always end up fighting and it’s kind of useless.”

“You! You’re useless!” Came a voice. Not a foreign voice. 

Dealono whipped around so fast, “Bitch, what did you say!” He stood up on the chair, his substantial glare pinpointing Leonard in seconds. 

The darker hair boy stood up as well, the redhead girl by him just face palmed. 

“I said that Doc is pretty useless.” His ever present smirk grew. 

“Frank, chill. I promise, it’s fine, he says stupid stuff like this all the time, just sit down.” The bespectacled boy tried calming the other down. But it was fruitless. 

“Aw HELL naw, I will not calm down. He just insulted my bae.”

“Delano! No one uses bae any more. You’re so embarrassing,” Lavernius stepped in. 

The chemistry teacher, the one everyone called Sarge or Sir stepped forward, “Both of you, detention!” He called out, shifting his icy glower between the two standing boys, ‘I won’t stand for any fights in the cafeteria. Take it outside or to the gym. But not here.”

“Sir,” He raised his hand, “He insulted my boyfriend. I think that’s a pretty good reason to start a fight in a cafeteria.”

He looked Leonardo up and down rather than Delano. “Very well, I’d punch somebody if they insulted Emily.” He started walking out of the room but slowed down near the lunch table most of them were seated at, “Careful about his little girl, she’s tough. But his center of gravity is high, if you can knock him down, you can win.”

Delano’s face lit up like he had just received a puppy covered in glitter, rather than permission to beat someone senseless. 

He jumped off the chair and headed for the other one. 

David looked at Doc, “Hey. You got the name Doc because you’re good with first aid, right?”

The other put a hand to his temple, “Not really. I don’t know a whole lot about medicine, but I always react calmly in a situation so I probably get more done in a medical emergency than most. And I want to become a doctor. But actually, my nickname-”

“That’s not why I asked.” He interrupted. Sure he had only been there for a month or two, but he knew Doc often went on long tangents that pertained to literally nothing.

He frowned slightly, “Then why do you ask?”

“Cause you’re boyfriend is going to get back with AT LEAST a broken nose.”

Everyone but him laughed. 

A light blush appeared on his face. “What?”

Lavernius leaned closer, “Damn. You’re just adorable when you blush. I hope to make your face flush like that someday soon.”

His blush grew brighter, “No. Just tell me what I said.”

Michael stopped laughing, “I don’t get it either.”

Doc put a hand in his, “Dave thinks that Frank is going to get beat up by Leo.”

He started laughing again. That's not going to happen. Cannoli can’t be beat up.”

David raised a brow, “You guys realize that he painted his nails in French class, braids people’s hair and carries around tiny rubber bands?”

“Well yeah. That’s just Delano. And it’s pretty great,” Doc smiled as he talked. 

He gave him an incredulous stare, “We’re talking about Frank Delano, right? There’s no other Delano. That boy is really sensitive and feminine.”

“Yeah. And he’s also the captain of track, football and baseball. He’s pretty ripped. Even if Sarge makes it sound like he’s a pansy.”

“Oh.” was all he said.

He glanced over Lavernius’ shoulder at the fight. IT was pretty loud, but he had no idea what they were saying. “Oh. Well, this just in, noses have a lot of blood.”

Lavernius looked over his shoulder, “I don’t think that’s just his nose. He might have a split lip too.”

At that, he winced. “Should we stop it?”

Lavernius shook his head again, “Nah. It’d end poorly. Plus, he did insult his boyfriend.”

“Right. Well, Leo did always have his foot in his mouth,” He shrugged and looked away. “Either way, you guys keep changing the subject. I still haven’t gotten my answer.”

“You changed the subject this time.” Rick pointed out. 

“What? No I didn’t, why would I do that?”

He shrugged, “You started talking about who was included in the conversation.”

“Kay fine whatever. I don’t care.” He took a breath, “I think you all forgot how this stupid conversation started. I asked you,” He pointed across the table at Lavernius, “Why you were staring at me like a grandma.”

“Yeah, like a creepy white grandma who secretly hates kids. Well, I wasn’t. Because first, I’m black. Second, I don’t hate you at all, it’s the opposite.”

“Great, you were still staring at me. Why?”

“Because you’re cute.”

His faint blush returned, “That’s not a real answer!” He insisted.

“It’s because I’m not sure if I gave you a mean girls style explanation.”

He stared blankly at him for a moment, “What?”

“Oh my god. Have you never seen mean girls?”

Dex jumped in, “You know, I’m beginning to think Dave isn’t real. He follows stereotypes and hasn’t seen mean girls. Like, what the fuck?”

“We are so watching mean girls. Leo’s place, Friday after school.” Rick leaned in closer. 

He leaned back a little bit, “It sounds like a chick flick.”

Dex snorted, “What did I tell you. Stereotypes. What do you even see in him?”

Lavernius shrugged, “He’s easy on the eyes despite his lack of cultural knowledge.”

The bell rang, everyone groaned. 

Delano came skipping back and grabbed his bag, literally skipping. “I’m really glad I don’t have practise today. I think we agreed to finish up after school.” 

Doc smiled and pecked his cheek, “You’re so cold blooded,”

He smiled, “Only for you and Mikey,”

“Delano. We’re having a get together on Friday at the Church’s. Dave hasn’t seen Mean girls.”

“Okay. I’ll bring brownies. But we have to watch Mean Girl’s two. He won’t understand how genius it is without seeing the trash that is the sequel.”

“I thought the sequel was pretty good,” Rick popped his red head back into the conversation. 

“I bet you thought the Harry Potter epilogue was good too.”

He scoffed, “Please. I have SOME standards.”

“Uh huh. Not to be mean, but look at Dexter.”

The late bell rang, causing another round of groans.

Dave laughed, “Ha! You’re stupid topic jumping made you late for class.”

Lavernius just winked, ‘IT was worth it just to spend an extra minute of my life with you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Golly, it's been a year since I've done anything with this. So, an update, Leo(?) idk what his name is any more, well we aren't really friends any more, i flubbed up and can't do anything so don’t lecture me. Anyway, I'll delete this soon. I just have to rewrite this entire thing and give it a new name because i hate this name and i hate some of the plot and i have so many headcanons. 

Anyway, some girl from my school who i look up to and totally wanted to date at the beginning of the school year apparently watched rvb. she said shed love to read a crappy fanfic by me. So i just have to rewrite this shit. Don't worry, all those tiny parts like, "This isn't a fucking guild" and all will be there. But the words will be smoother, I’ll get rid of typos and add more ships and shit. I’m thinking about switching pov's more often, like what I've done with my other fics. I tried to remain third person on this because i need to expand my horizons, but god i hate not writing in third person semi-omnipotent. It's so stupid and I get nowhere. 

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6168631

**Author's Note:**

> comments are appreciated, and ill always respond. but dont expect me to care if you say it sucks, unless youre lucas


End file.
